Life without parents
Posted on February 1, 2012 by Pastor Tom
My mom died Wednesday, January 4, 2012. She had been ill for quite some time. We were surprised when it happened because she seemed to be doing better. Yet, in the end it was a blessing. She had suffered much over 2011. I have experienced grief in my Mom’s passing. Even though we were prepared, there was still the shock of not having that person to talk with anymore.
Yet the more surprising thing to me was that suddenly, I had no parents. My dad died in 2005. Yet I still had Mom to talk to and her life experience to draw from. But from January 4th on I’ve entered new territory. .
I know millions have traveled this road before. Many of you are walking it right now. But someone taught me many years ago that I don’t have to pretend that I have all the answers because I don’t. Nobody does. So I’ve learned to ask others about their life experience and what they’ve learned in living life without parents.
Here’s some comments received so far:
• That “orphan” feeling takes a long time to get used to.
• I did not ever think I would miss my mom as much as I do as time goes on.
• It’s very weird not having parents. Mom went hom last January 6th and it is lonely without her. I think I have taken over her role, being the eldest of her children. Sometimes that’s ok, but sometimes it’s too much.
• I still remember the feelings I had after both my parents were gone. Parents give us a context…we’re surrounded by those who are older and younger. After they died, my brother and I were the oldest in our family. The context was lost..you feel vulnerable and exposed because you are now on the outer perimeter. As long as our parents are alive we consider our death remote, one generation removed. When they’re gone we realize we will probably be the next to die. That requires a whole new orientation.
Yet, though I no longer have parents physically with us on Earth, I am not without a parent. This is one of the great hopes we have in Christianity. I have a Heavenly Father who never leaves me or forsakes me. He will continue to guide me and lead me until my time comes. I also have hope because both my parents trusted in Jesus Christ as their Savior. Because of that trust, they did not fear death. They remembered that Jesus promised to go and prepare a place for them. And to die is gain because they now see Jesus face to face. And I also hope because of the coming resurrection. I know I will see my parents again when the Lord returns. He will raise the dead in Christ and give them new resurrection bodies that will never pass away.
Death certainly has some sting today. But Jesus conquered it on the cross and when He rose physically three days later. When He returns, death will be defeated forever. Until then, I walk forward under the leadership and direction of my Heavenly Father.
Love without hypocrisy
Posted on February 10, 2011 by Pastor Tom
It’s the Valentine’s Day season with lots of talk about love. I think it’s great to have a specific time to celebrate love and express our love in a more creative way. But Valentine’s Day can also expose a lack of love or the flawed love we give and receive.
Hypocrisy can greatly tarnish love. The term hypocrite originally referred to a play actor who projected an image of some character but hid their true identity behind a mask. Hypocrisy was a theatrical term meaning “speaking behind a mask.” But it was later applied to someone who said one thing but hid behind the mask of something else. So it referred to someone who was insincere, deceitful or projecting one image while believing or being someone else in heart.
Hypocrisy shows up when one tries to act different on the outside compared to the goings on inside of us. We may speak kindly to a person but inside we feel animosity for them. Behind their back, we tear them down. We can also love hypocritically when we draw attention to other people’s flaws so that ours don’t show up. It’s like pointing out a speck in someone else’s eye while you have a log in your own eye.
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of hypocritical love, you know how much it can hurt. No one likes to receive love that seemed genuine but is later discovered to be false. No one likes someone else pointing out their faults when that “someone” has plenty of their own faults.
Yet people love like that. Sometimes you might even love like that. Why? Sometimes we may be driven by the craving for others to make much of us. So we put ourselves forward pretending to love so others will commend us. Or we point out the faults of others so we look better. Other times we may simply want to cover up our own faults. So we loudly complain about something or someone when the real issue is something else inside of us.
Jesus exposed this one time when he healed a woman on the Sabbath. A religious ruler criticized Jesus for “working” on the Sabbath. But that wasn’t really this ruler’s issue. He himself did some “work” on the Sabbath. Jesus pointed out that if this guy’s ox got lost or a sheep fell into a well, he would certainly work to find them. He worked to protect his investments. But he didn’t care about that woman Jesus’ healed. So he covered it with a hypocritical charge.
Love without hypocrisy is profoundly different. It forgets about self and receiving praise. Instead, this love offers genuine care and concern to someone else. The inner workings in our heart agree with our outside actions. And I believe that we can receive that kind of love first from the most genuine person to ever walk the earth – Jesus. From Him, we can then offer it to others. That’s a love that I think everyone would love to receive on Valentine’s Day and every day.